Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Rethinking Things

[Edited to add bracketed comments below]

I realize that I have not always been very dedicated or consistent with this blog, and I apologize for that and for my lack of humility and better judgment. The whole reason I initially set out to write this was to Chronicle my Voyages of faith. I have been very lax--no, I have completely failed to do that. I want to tell you what the Voyager is doing now, starting with the events that led me to rethink why I post here.

[Lack of humility--very much so. That said, the blog was supposed be about life and not just faith, and I think I was going through a time of peer pressure from church to be more "churchy".]

Prayer is one of the most essential, driving elements of my life. Along with the reading of the word of God, prayer is what keeps me devoted and focused. For this reason and the sake of my future journey--which I will explain more at a later time--I asked God, before I even came to college, to give me a strong group of guys here to pray with consistently.

[I honestly can't say I even understood what really meaningful prayer was at the time. That is, I knew all the details that evangelicalism taught me thoroughly, but I no longer find that concept meaningful. Prayer as a meditation on the communion of life through the vehicle of the mind could be helpful, but I would not place it as an essential element of life. I no longer agree with the theology that uses the term word of God to refer to the texts known collectively as the Bible. Reading the Bible, on the other hand, was incredibly instrumental to my deconstruction, and Bible fluency continues to be useful for helping others of Christian heritage navigate unfundamentalist belief. I also wish to say that I reject the inherent patriarchal and binarist notions inherent in me supposedly requiring a group of guys specifically.]

My whole first semester I kept on begging him to raise up the group that I was not seeing. Toward the end of my second semester I began to doubt that I was going to see such a group in my first year as I had originally thought. God had not forgotten me. Not long after spring break God rose up a group of guys and revealed them to me--all ready to pray. We kept in touch over the summer and now that we are back together we meet to pray every day. At first we thought it impossible, perhaps even unnecessary, but the more we prayed together, the more we realized it was necessary and we did have the time. So every day now at 10 pm we pray--we pour out our emotions, our requests, our frustrations, and our praises to God with each other.

And now God has led us to raise up a similar group among our friends--among the girls that have expressed interest in our prayer group. This is the first thing that brought me here: our body has begun to grow and it is properly planting a new body as it should. Tonight is the meeting in which we will bring together these girls. Pray that it will be holy and fruitful. Pray that as these girls meet to pray with us and as these two groups pray together, that more groups of guys and girls will be planted.

[More patriarchy and binarism...sigh]

Not long after the idea of this new plant came to me and my brother-in-Christ (that I will here call the Asker), a wasp flew up from by the benches, as we walked away, and stung me on the palm of my hand. So today my entire hand and wrist are swollen so that even typing these words to you now is a stretch. This is the second thing that brought me here: seeking something to pass the time as I let my hand heal.

But my blog was not the first thing I thought of when going to the Internet to pass the time. After stumbling aimlessly around different sites, I went to YouTube and was reminded of the ministry of some older brothers and sisters in a foreign country. This was the last straw that broke the camel's back--that is, my pride. I at last remembered my initial purpose for this blog and immediately dashed here (typed in the URL) to tell you all this. Now I hope that from here on I can continue to tell you about my prayer group, my ministry, and what God has done that has made him great.

If you are reading this now, know that I am praying for you. Grace and peace to you in the Lord Jesus Christ who sees your pain and listlessness, as he has mine.

In His salvation,
The Voyager

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